Hi Quinn,
I really have to get better at writing when there are good things to write about so you don't get the impression that all of life is just a sad, sad walk til death. Unfortunately I had not written all summer. After Ellie's passing, I was devastated for such a long time, and then we got dreaded new in June that Grandma Florida was not going to be with us much longer either. We quickly went into survival mode and we made several trips to Florida to spend as much time with her as we possibly could. You got go see her twice this summer before she passed.
She was a fighter. Grandma had been living with brain cancer for near 20 years. She had it even before I knew daddy. She survived for years off of multiple brain surgeries and chemotherapy and so, it came as somewhat of a shock that in this moment, the doctors were telling us that there was nothing left that could be done. Despite all of this, she was strong. She fought for what she had left, to have as decent of a life she could in those last few months. One of the most important things to her was her family. She loved you and all her grandchildren with all her heart. You guys were her world. I am thankful she got to live to see her kids grow up and marry and have children. I do regret that most of you are so young that you will not remember her. That is the hard fact, but daddy and I will do our best to make sure that we keep her memory alive and that you know about her and who she was. Sadly, on August 29th, 2012 Grandma lost the battle with cancer she had been fighting for so long.
Again, as time and time before you amazed me with your kindness and sensitivity. During Grandma's memorial service, there were several times when daddy and I were crying and so sad. All the other little ones were just playing and not paying attention, but you were listening to grandpa speak and you saw our tears and great sadness. You came over to daddy and I and hugged our legs saying "You're sad Mama, You're sad Daddy?" And when we nodded through our tears, you just said, "I am so sorry Mama" hugged us tight and took the Kleenex that was in your hand and dabbed the tears from both our eyes. I am continually amazed at your emotional intelligence at such a young age. I was SO proud of you in that moment. I am thankful that every time we are faced with such a sad situation, there you are doing something that at the same time, makes me SO proud to be your mama, and gives at least a little bright spot to the darkness.
Losing Grandma, and seeing how daddy is at a loss of memories, has made it even more clear to me why I started writing you these letters in the first place. I want you to always have something that gives you a glimpse into what was going on in your childhood, and how I felt about you and what you were doing, just in case there comes a day when memories get hazy. At least you will have these letters. I must keep this fresh in my mind and stop letting more time slip by without writing. I am going to try really hard to at least write once a week to you.
You should also know that you are getting SO big. You can speak in dialog now and full sentences and you understand 3 step directions. You also just recently can get yourself onto the potty all by yourself. You have started having nightmares and have began coming to our bed late at night. My baby who even as a baby would not sleep with me, has started sleeping in my bed. I never thought I woulds see that day. Not that I get much sleep with your little feet kicking into me and you taking over my whole bed, but I would not have it any other way. Your heart is still after art, music and dancing, and you love trains and Big Trucks. We hope to take you to a train museum soon. You have got to see plenty of big trucks several long trips to Florida over this summer. You are an excellent traveler with nary a complaint despite the 2 day trek and over 10 hours in a car each day. With all these sad moments this year, the only thing I can say is this: enjoy each day. I know this is the thought that goes through my head whenever we are having an especially difficult day. I know it is cliche but we are not promised tomorrow. So I will continue to hug and kiss and love on you as much as I can each day. I love you SO much Quinn. Next time I hope to write you on a more light hearted topic. XOXOXOXO Until next time!
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